Hello, this is MaryAiñe Curtis and today I’m giving you my thought for the moment and reviewing how I came to the mystery school that I am embracing as a modern day priestess initiate. So let’s go back. Not too many years to 1995, I had sailed across the Pacific ocean on a 32 foot sailboat. And once again, I was finding myself in a relationship where I was living his dream. This is not anything I ever thought of doing. But towards the, the um, combination of this particular relationship, I was waking up, I mean, 33, 36 years old, we really start, I was like, what am I supposed to do? We’ve passed our first solar return, which is an astrological term that if we’re not doing what we came here to do, we will get bumped into a process or a situation where, Hey, wait, this is, I really enjoy doing this.
It’s like, can I do it? Can I make money doing this? I don’t know. Maybe I should just stay in my job. But sometimes the jobs make us miserable or the relationships. So I was given this wonderful book called a woman’s worth by Marianne Williamson. And she was talking about goddesses and the whole history of how things shifted into a patriarchal lifestyle for us, how they took over. And so it was scientific and machines and linear and, and you know, just raping the earth for all of her metals and jewels and diamonds and making money. And, and it was all about what we see today, that it’s about the money and greed. And we also have this feeling coming up of the goddess energy, mama earth, the greatest of them all. She supports us and gives to us everything that we need. Father, son, you know, bringing the nourishment to everything we need is part of what I started learning about.
And, and that a woman’s worth is far more than being the handmaiden to her husband or the housewife or the mother, which are wonderful parts of our life, but they’re not everything. My mother had nine children, she was the mother of us all. And all the kids that came along that had single mamas that they would come to our house. And, and my mother loved what she did, but after we were grown in the grandkids were grown, she took up art and it was wonderful at that. There was something she always wanted to do is like the things that were important didn’t come into her life until she was 70 years old. So we can do what we love way earlier. And, and this particular book woke me up in many ways, but it still took another decade to segue into a more feminine aspect of myself.
I’ve never really learned that because I worked with the guys. I have six brothers. I was comfortable with men. I learned not to trust women, that my value was in being a helpmate, a gopher for the guys. Um, and I prided myself on what I knew and tools I could use and all the masculine qualities. So learning about being feminine, you know, woman learning, the internal parts that are so important to me now was not even, and wasn’t an any thought form that I had. And the next book of Maryanne’s that I took up was a return to joy that really became like a Bible of wow, self-respect and boundaries. And I started learning. So I started making big changes with these and, and um, the healing processes that I did that I learned to do woke up a part of me that had been lying dormant for so long.
The had to get used to her. I had to get used to this, this mother, not the mother that mothering came naturally to me. Um, but being gentle with myself. And another part of this is, is, and still to this day, there’s times that I’m kind of like a deer caught in headlights because of the PTSD of violence that lingers in my body and unacceptable behavior that happened to me that I had to learn this technique for taking care of myself. And what it is, is that if I don’t know what to say for myself in a situation that may be very caustic, I think about if this were my daughter, what would I say? And the mama bear, she comes out, she’s fierce. She’s not angry, but she is fierce in her boundary and she knows exactly what to say. Now, this mama bear now has become my sovereign queen, the benevolent queen that lives within me.
And it’s becoming more and familiar to me so that I know instinctively how to act in situations that are very challenging. What to say, how to come back into empty presence, tap in to the message within me, to my source energy to ground myself into mama earth. And then I know exactly what to say. So these are skills that I’ve learned that I’ve loved to help you learn, and we can all learn to be more loving to ourselves and then to everyone else. And this is part of how the women are connecting more and more today to make changes on the earth, to make changes in our relationships that are very, very necessary. It’s time, ladies, that we come together and rise up and know who we are, so there’s more. Stay tuned. Thank you for listening.